New Do DrewPosted: July 23, 2016
“Patty!” Mom yelled from the living room just as I was getting undressed to take a post-Pickleball shower.
“What!” I hollered back from my bedroom.
“Come quick,” she called out frantically.
Fearing another fall, I pulled my damp tee shirt back on and went quickly down the hall before coming to a screeching halt in the foyer. Mom was sitting on her loveseat, pointing the remote at the TV. “Okay, I’m here. What’s the big emergency?” I asked as I walked into the living room.
“They have a new host! Drew Carey’s gone.”
“Oh no, not gone,” I retorted sarcastically as I glanced at the TV screen which was showing Flo giving Geico advice to a biker. “So who’s the new guy?”
“I don’t know, but it isn’t Drew Carey.”
“Well I’ll check it out after my shower,” I said as I turned to go.
“No, no, wait,” she exclaimed. “It’s back. Look, look,” she said, pointing frantically at the television.
I glanced back at the TV just as the announcer bellowed out the Price is Right rally call of ‘come on down’ and watched as a large, bouncy lady name Shaneeta bound down the aisle to the empty player podium, then watched the camera show the electric scooter waiting to be priced, and finally pan to the stage and the ‘new’ host… who was Drew Carey, with a full head of smoky chestnut-colored hair.
“See, see,” she exclaimed. “It’s someone new.”
“No it isn’t, Mom. It’s still Drew Carey.”
“It is not,” she retorted firmly. “Look at him. He doesn’t look anything like Drew Carey. He’s taller and younger and maybe thinner. And his hair is wrong.”
“Then why does the announcer keep calling him Drew?”
“Because maybe he’s another Drew. Just not a Carey Drew.”
“Mom, it’s still him. He colored his hair. Again. I’m going to take a shower now,” I sighed, turning to leave once again.
“Well I still don’t think it’s him,” she muttered. “If it is, then why does he keep changing his hair? What was wrong with his old hair?”
“I don’t know,” I replied from the foyer. “Maybe he got tired of the white hair, and the blond hair and the brush cut and the buzz cut and the normal cut. I swear, he changes his hair more than a girl.”
“Maybe he’s really one of those transportation genies,” she offered. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Sure. You know, one of those guys that wants to be a woman but can’t make up his mind. So he just wears bras and changes his hair.”
“Okay, Mom,” I laughed. “I think you’re on to something. Drew Carey’s a transportation genie.”