Gas Bags

On Friday, we had a typical monsoon storm that swept across the valley and ushered out the month of July. Walls of dust, strong winds, thunder, lightning, torrential rain – everywhere but Sun City. Apache Junction, Mesa and Tempe to the east got an inch and a half of rain, 50 mph winds and downed power poles. Litchfield and Avondale to the south were also dumped on, along with the White Tank Mountains to the west. Anthem and Black Canyon City to the north had buckets of rain and Oak Creek Canyon, even farther north, had mudslides and flooding.

Sun City? 0.04 inches.

I have a new theory. I think it’s all the gas. I’ve notice that many of the residents here seem to fart a lot and they don’t seem too concerned with social convention because they pretty much let it rip whenever the urge comes over them.

There are times when, as we’re strolling through the aisles of Albertson’s, we wonder if a jar or can of something has gone bad. Or while we’re looking for a deal in the meat department in Safeway we think that possibly some chicken has exceeded its sell-buy date, or maybe there are a few rotten tomatoes or a cantaloupe gone bad lurking in the produce section in Walmart. But none of these are the case; we’ve just meander into the wake of a big ‘ol senior citizen fart. In fact, truth be told, Bill and I have, on very rare occasions mind you, left an oderific cloud in a random grocery aisle and rushed quickly from the scene of the crime. It’s sort of the shopper’s answer to blaming the dog.

I know the theories about cow farts and the greenhouse effect they’re supposed to cause, but has anyone done a study on the meteorological effect of old people living and farting in large, specially designed communities and the lack of rainfall here? With a population that has grown to 37,500 since Sun City first broke ground in 1960, there must be a methane dome the size of Rhode Island over our 55+ community by now.

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