Table for Two – Part 2Posted: November 16, 2014
As Bill and I sat in the exam room at the medical center, waiting for our doctor to come in and start our first ever couple’s physical, he turned to me and asked, “Do you think this is ittle bit weird?”
“No,” I responded. “It’s not a little weird – it’s a lot weird!”
With that, our doctor wandered in. “Hi you two, how are we today,” Dr. Linda exclaimed cheerfully, as though a couple’s exam was perfectly normal. “I just have a few questions to update your charts,” she said as she sat down in front of the computer and logged in. “Any dizziness, nausea, or vomiting in the last three months?” she began.
“Him or me?” I asked.
“Either,” she said.
“No,” I replied.
“Which one?” she asked, pausing at the keyboard.
“What about falling down?” she continued.
“Nope, just my mother,” I said.
“Your mother?” she asked, pausing again and glancing up at me.
“She falls down, I pick her up,” I said. “We don’t’ fall down. Bill and me, that is.”
“Oh, okay, that’s good,” she replied, trying not to sound confused. “What about allergies?”
“Like hay fever?” Bill asked. “I take Zyrtec.”
“I take Claritin,” I interjected. “But just spring and fall, not all the time.”
“Me too,” Bill added.
She was frantically pounding on the keyboard with one hand and holding up the first finger of her other in a ‘wait a minute’ gesture. She finally caught up with our chart entries, took a deep breath and asked, “Any weight loss or weight gain in the last six months?”
“We both lost 45 pounds since January,” I said.
“And we both just gained a little bit of weight,” Bill said. “And we both need to lose some more,” he continued.
“Like another 20 pounds or so,” I added.
“No, no. I mean any unexpected weight loss,” Dr. Linda clarified.
“Well we didn’t expect to lose that much. I guess the walking helped,” I added.
“Walking?” she asked.
“Five miles a day,” Bill said. “Except Sunday. Then we only walk three and a half.”
“That’s great. So why do you think you’ve gained some weight back? Are you eating healthy?”
We both stopped talking and the sudden silence was deafening. I glanced at Bill, who read my mind. Do we confess to our movie candy obsession? Do we tell her about the pizza two days in a row last week? Do we admit our addiction to Ranch-flavored Veggie Straws?
Bill spoke up first. “Oh sure, we eat very healthy.”
I interjected, “Yup, that’s us, healthy, healthy, healthy.”
She eyed us both for a silent moment or two. “Portion control, people,” she said, nodding wisely. “You need to focus on potion control.”
“All rightly!” I exclaimed. “We’ll really concentrate on that, won’t we honey.”
“Yes, we will,” Bill said enthusiastically. “Portion control it is.”
“Good,” Dr. Linda replied, standing up. She turned away from us, opened a cabinet door and extracted a couple of exam gowns. Tossing one to each of us, she said, “Flip a coin to see who goes first and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
I stared with dismay at her retreating back while Bill held up the thin cotton gown, trying to determine proper tie placement – front or rear.
Part 3, the Finale, is coming soon!