87 Cents

Have you ever had someone yell through a bullhorn when they’re only 6 inches from your ear?

Have you ever had an air horn go off 4 inches from your head?

Have you ever been innocently standing in front of a berry display in a grocery store, checking out the price of strawberries, and had a strange elderly woman with a voice that could shatter glass walk up behind you and shriek “Eighty-seven cents? Can you believe it’s really eighty-seven cents?”

I involuntarily jumped several inches, colliding with the edge of the display table that was nicely arranged with stacks of $3.99 pints of strawberries, $3.49 pints of blueberries and 87¢ pints of raspberries. At least it was nicely arranged until I crashed into it.

“Umm, yes, I guess that’s a pretty unbelievable price,” I muttered as I fumbled around trying to re-stack the overturned plastic containers that were now jumbled across the display top.

“Well, I don’t know if I believe it or not,” she yelled even louder. “You know what they say about being too good to be true”

“It usually isn’t?” Bill offered, somewhat meekly.

“That too,” she screeched. “If it’s too good to be true, it’s a scam. Eighty-seven cents my foot,” she bellowed as she stomped off with a pint of blueberries. “It’ll never ring up for eighty-seven cents, mark my words!”

“Do you still want to get strawberries?” Bill asked as I watched her move into a checkout aisle.

“Probably never again,” I whispered, wiggling my finger in my ear to stop, what I was sure was massive bleeding.



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