One Aspirin On The Rocks, Please

There’s always a line at the prescription counter at our local Walgreens here in Sun City. On occasion they’ve put up a queue line, just like Disneyland, except getting to your turn isn’t as much fun. Until yesterday that is.

Bill and I had to pick up one of Mom’s prescriptions and we were really excited when we got to the back of the store and discovered there was only one elderly, silver-haired lady waiting ahead of us. As a gentleman with a cane plodded slowly away from the counter, the woman forward to fill the void. One of the pharmacists, John, was manning the pickup counter and he politely asked her how he could help.

“I’m returning this,” she exclaimed, waving a box of name brand aspirin in his face. “I want you to read the instructions and then you’ll understand why I want my money back.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, which instructions do you want me to read?” he asked, obviously confused.

“Right here,” she said, pointing to the small print on the back of the box. “This part where it says I have to get drunk before I can take an aspirin.”

John’s look of befuddlement was apparent as he gingerly took the box from her and read aloud, “Take with three or more alcoholic beverages.”

“See, there, that’s why I’m returning this,” she huffed. “They’re trying to make me drink a cocktail before I take a pill and, well, I just won’t do that. I won’t drink one and I definitely won’t drink three.”

He turned the box around and began reading from the side panel. “Ma’am, the instructions start on the side of the box. If you read it from the beginning, it tells you do not take with alcoholic beverages.

“Then why would they tell you to do it?” she asked. “Why would they write it right here on the box to drink alcohol? And not just one drink. Three or more drinks. Do you know what would happen to me if I had three or more alcoholic beverages, young man?”

“It doesn’t say to drink, ma’am, it says NOT to drink. See,” he continued, pointing to the side panel on the box. “DO NOT, it tells you to ‘do not’ take with more than three…”

“Then why didn’t they just write it altogether in one place,” she snapped, snatching the box of aspirins out of his hand. “Why would they wind it all over the place? That’s really pretty stupid, don’t you think.”

“I suppose so, ma’am. But it’s a small box and they have limited space to put the directions. If it was all on the back the print would be so small you wouldn’t be able to read it,” he proposed with a shrug.

“Hah!” she barked. “That’s what a magnifier’s for. Stupid aspirin company,” she muttered, turning around and walking past us. “I’m writing them a letter when I get home.”

“Maybe she should have a couple of drinks first,” Bill whispered as we stepped up to the counter.

“Couldn’t hurt,” John the pharmacist whispered back.

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2 Comments on “One Aspirin On The Rocks, Please”

  1. Mel Nielsen says:

    Good one Patt!


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