Chinese Colon CleansePosted: November 4, 2013
Earlier this year I had my once-a-decade colonoscopy. The procedure itself isn’t bad because they knock you out cold for it. It’s the stuff you have to do beforehand that’s a pain in the… well you know. And it really is!
The day before the procedure, the only thing you’re allowed to consume are liquids – broth, clear juice, black coffee, tea and water. Lots and lots of water. To break things up, you can also have Jell-O, but nothing with red food dye which, surprisingly, is in lots and lots of gelatins and juices. Then there’s the gallon jug of “cleanser” you have to polish off in 16 ounce portions every 30 minutes during the afternoon and evening. And, once this stuff starts going in, you can’t be more than three or four steps from the bathroom for the rest of the night. The upside is, you’ll lose weight. I lost 5 pounds, although once the procedure was done, I was so hungry I immediately gained it back.
After watching me go through this Bill vowed never, ever to have a colonoscopy. Instead, he’s decided to subscribe to a periodic Chinese colon cleanse which involves eating large quantities of Chinese take-out and waiting for nature to take its course.
The effectiveness of this cleanse, and subsequent weight loss, depends on what is eaten. General Tao’s chicken is only worth a couple of pounds. Egg Foo Young can almost double that to three or four pounds. But for maximum weight loss, Kung Pow chicken combined with Pot Stickers is the magic bullet. After eating this oriental treat, Bill can shed five or six pounds over the course of 24 hours.
The down side is, after he’s gotten the Chinese colon cleanse out of his system (so to speak) he craves fried food – fried shrimp with sweet potato fries, burgers with fried onion rings, fried fish and chips – so his weight loss only lasts until his next meal.
Luckily, Bill has an assortment of ethnic food cleanses, all of which taste terrific. There’s the Chili and Beans belly buster, the French onion soup upper GI burp-away and tonight we’re having my favorite, his spaghetti and meatball gas-bloat fart-off.