Pill Poppin’ Momma

Mom is always on the lookout for free money.  Her latest opportunity came in the mail.  It was a flyer that promised FREE PRESCRIPTIONS.  She never ceases to astound me with her gullibility, especially since she’s pretty ‘scam’ savvy.  She called me into the living room and handed me the flyer, with instructions to “call and see how I can get my prescriptions for free.”

“Mom, no one is going to pay for your prescription medicine without wanting something in return,” I replied.

“Well, it says right here that if you call they’ll give you free prescriptions.”

“If it’s such a great idea, why don’t you call?” I asked.

“Because you’re much better at this than I am.  Plus I have a hard time understanding these people on the phone.  And my arm hurts.  Go get my medicine out of the kitchen so you can tell them what I need.”

“Alright,” I conceded.  “Just let me call first, okay?  If it’s legitimate, I’ll go and get your pills.”

I dialed and proceeded to listen to a computer voice that asked me to speak clearly in response to the questions in order to ‘qualify’ me for their prescription plan.  Mom sat on her couch, listening to me with rapt attention as I responded with “Yes,” “Yes,” “No,” and so on, until it got to her address and birth date.  As soon as I started to respond, she began gesturing wildly at me with her uninjured.  “Hang up, hang up” she said in a loud stage whisper.  “It’s scammers, hang up!”

I disconnected and placed the phone back in its charger base.  “Well what did you think it was?” I asked.  “It’s like the free money you thought you could order out of the paper.”

“I never thought that,” she argued.  “Why would anyone send you free money.  That’s just stupid.”

“Right, just like sending you free prescriptions maybe?”

“No, not if it was part of some kind of an official plan.”

“And what kind of ‘official’ plan would that be?  Like maybe a prescription plan?  Imagine that.  I’ll bet an insurance company would pay you a lot of money for that idea.”

“Really?” she responded hopefully as she paused to give the concept some serious consideration.  After a few moments, I could see the light bulb go on over her head and I waited… ah-one, ah-two, ah-three.

“Okay, smarty pants, never mind,” she said somewhat sheepishly as she turned up the volume on the TV.


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