The Middle AgesPosted: October 20, 2012
During the summer, our snowbird friend, Fletch, stays in touch with us from his home in Michigan by sending ‘funny’ emails, factoid emails, urban legend emails and, more than any other type of email, old people emails. These ‘senior-slanted’ emails run the gamut, and include
Three old ladies were discussing the trials and tribulations of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.” The third one responded, “Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem, knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table and then said, “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60
1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
3. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
4. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
5. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
(Bill and I are currently at level 3.)
warnings and alerts:
PRE-HOLIDAY SHOPPING WARNING:
When you go to the mall to do your Christmas shopping this year, be careful. Criminals are hiding under cars and slashing their victims ankles before robbing them. (FALSE)
If you drink soda pop, don’t drink Mountain Dew because it will make your testicles smaller and lower sperm count. (FALSE)
We also get old people pictures, senior news articles, links to elderly foolishness on YouTube, lists of places that give senior discounts, and more.
Please, don’t misunderstand; Bill and I are very fond of Fletch. He’s friendly, funny, and always willing to give a neighborly hand. It’s just that sometimes we get a little tired of being lumped into the old and infirm’ category that he seems determined to ram down our throats. Bill and I are still under the illusion (or delusion, depending on your point of view) that we aren’t seniors; we’re more akin to well seasoned middle-agers. You know, sort of like a prime-cut New York Strip… perfectly aged and marbled with just the right amount of fat.