Come Quick!Posted: September 13, 2012
No matter what I’m doing, no matter where I am in the house, if a story comes on the noon or 4:00 or 5:00 news that Mom thinks I should see, she yells out “Patty, come here and see this!”
So, barring anything short of pooping myself or having a stroke, I have to rush into the living room and see what’s so important. And it’s never on when I get there. It’s always ‘coming up next.’ I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to sit through 10 or 15 or 20 minutes of the 4:00 news – which ends at 4:30 for Jeopardy – only to find that the story she wanted me to see isn’t going to be on until the 5 or 6 o’clock edition. But she always insists that I sit down and watch because, she promises, “they said it’s going to be on next.”
A recent report had something to do with beef. She felt this was a story that would be meaningful to me. Maybe because after the pink slime stories and the meat glue stories, Bill ordered a meat grinder so we would know with certainty what’s in our burgers and breakfast links. Plus, he wants to become the sausage king of Sun City.
Bill used to make his own beer. It started with a silly kit that he got for his 50th birthday and grew from there. He built a climate controlled freezer to properly age certain types of lagers and put double-taps into the beer refrigerator’s door so there was always a choice. And the beer he made was truly wonderful. Unfortunately, he had to stop because gout prevented him from drinking his creations anymore and, quite frankly, I refused to consume two kegs of beer a month on my own. After a five year hobby hiatus, he decided to try something new. So, now it’s sausage!
But, back to the news alerts. There was going to be a story on the news about beef and at 4:20 Mom yelled for me to come quick. I dashed out to the living room only to be faced with an ad for car insurance. I started to leave but she called me back, promising that “it’ll be on right after this.” ‘This’ was followed by three more commercials. The news finally started back up with a story about the dangers of having a heart attack while you’re pregnant (duh!) and then it broke for more commercials. I left once the wee-wee-wee pig commercial started because I can only take so much of it and told her to call me when they finally decided to air the story. Five minutes later I heard the familiar theme music and Alex Trebek’s soothing voice and knew the 4:00 news had ended and Jeopardy had begun. I figured I was safe for at least a half an hour. I was wrong.
At 4:45, she called again, “Patty, come quick. It’s starting!”
I was confused because I knew Jeopardy was only half over, but I dashed from the office into the living room anyway, only to be greeted with “Never mind. It was just announcing it for the news later.”
I got a 20 minute reprieve, then, for the third time, Mom called out, “Patty, come quick. It’s really on now!”
I sprinted out in time to see the story, which was about beef patties sold to restaurant supply houses that might be tainted. That sounded about as vague as it’s coming on next. But the good news was we didn’t need to worry here in Phoenix because it didn’t apply to Arizona since the meat was only distributed in the northwest.
We’re having big, juicy hamburgers for dinner tonight!