Fantasy FaucetPosted: September 8, 2012
The desert landscape isn’t the only thing around here that hasn’t seen much water lately. It’s been 18 days and Mom still hasn’t taken a shower. Bill keeps asking me when I’m going to say something to her and I know I should because it’s getting pretty stinky around here. A malodorous aroma seems to trail after her when she goes back and forth to the bathroom. And I could swear there’s a faint and indistinct vapor cloud hovering over her spot on the couch. But I just can’t resist the temptation of waiting to see how long it will go. She’s already broken her last record of 15 days.
I suppose it’s because I need some sort of diversion in my life. I’d play Fantasy Football but I don’t really understand how it works. My kids are in a league and seem to think it’s pretty exciting and they’re all having lots of fun with it. When I had an office to go to, I’d join in the football pool every season, but I guess Fantasy Football is a lot more complicated. So this is my attempt at a diversion of another sort. I’m calling it Fantasy Faucet. If you’d like to play, here are the rules…
1) You must own a current calendar.
2) You must be able to count with reasonable accuracy the number of days from one date to another, even if the days overlap into a new month.
3) You must trust me when I give you the final day count and splash down time that it’s the truth.
4) If you require in-person verification of the grunge level, you must be able to either:
- hold your breath for the entire length of the inspection, or
- inhale and exhale exclusively from your mouth – but only after sucking on a couple of Altoids, or
- breath normally but without barfing from the odiferous smell.
I’m taking bets on the date and time of the next ‘Turning of the Faucet.’ First prize is a free copy of one of my books, either “Life In An Elevator” or “Life On The Couch.” So… let the games begin.