Fantasy Faucet

The desert landscape isn’t the only thing around here that hasn’t seen much water lately.  It’s been 18 days and Mom still hasn’t taken a shower.  Bill keeps asking me when I’m going to say something to her and I know I should because it’s getting pretty stinky around here.  A malodorous aroma seems to trail after her when she goes back and forth to the bathroom.  And I could swear there’s a faint and indistinct vapor cloud hovering over her spot on the couch.  But I just can’t resist the temptation of waiting to see how long it will go.  She’s already broken her last record of 15 days.

I suppose it’s because I need some sort of diversion in my life.  I’d play Fantasy Football but I don’t really understand how it works.  My kids are in a league and seem to think it’s pretty exciting and they’re all having lots of fun with it.  When I had an office to go to, I’d join in the football pool every season, but I guess Fantasy Football is a lot more complicated.  So this is my attempt at a diversion of another sort.  I’m calling it Fantasy Faucet.  If you’d like to play, here are the rules…

1)   You must own a current calendar.

2)   You must be able to count with reasonable accuracy the number of days from one date to another, even if the days overlap into a new month.

3)   You must trust me when I give you the final day count and splash down time that it’s the truth.

4)   If you require in-person verification of the grunge level, you must be able to either:

  • hold your breath for the entire length of the inspection, or
  • inhale and exhale exclusively from your mouth – but only after sucking on a couple of Altoids, or
  • breath normally but without barfing from the odiferous smell.

I’m taking bets on the date and time of the next ‘Turning of the Faucet.’  First prize is a free copy of one of my books, either “Life In An Elevator” or “Life On The Couch.”  So… let the games begin.


11 Comments on “Fantasy Faucet”

  1. nhicksb says:

    Reblogged this on nhicksb and commented:
    Hihi 😀

    • Patt says:

      I’m so happy you got a laugh from my blog. The betting is over and Lily the Cat won. Thanks for the re-blog – it’s the first time anyone’s done that for me. Hope you come back for more.

  2. Im going to take the under on this..for bills 8 before 9pm local time.

    • Patt says:

      Okay, Miss Lily Cat, you won. It happened at 10:15 this morning (Arizona time). Just let me know which book you’d like and where to send it. Thanks for playing!

  3. i won something..really just a lowly condo cat who decided being a condo anarchist would be kind of fun..i am completely humbled..hey deep throat..i won a contest..i told you i was brilliant..ok..let me catch my breath here..i won..i won….book title..surprise me..send to deep throat..oh please awed…deep throat..i won a book..patt…i love to bill…

    • Patt says:

      I’m happy that you won, Miss Lily. You’ve been a loyal cat and I appreciate it very much. I just ordered a few copies and as soon as they arrive (some time next week), I’ll sign and send you my first book – Life In An Elevator. Thanks again for playing and I hope you keep coming back for a chuckle or two.

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