The Stairs To Nowhere

The Sunday morning show had a guest on from a national home improvement store chain.  Oh, what the heck, why be coy, it was Home Depot.  He was giving a demonstration on how to fancy-up stair risers using a 3-step demo stairway, which was planted in the middle of the set and flanked by a sofa and two comfy chairs.  The three morning show hosts watched with fascination as the do-it-yourself expert placed blue paint tape in different decorative patterns on each riser.  As he was preparing to demonstrate the proper method with which to apply the extremely colorful paint, Mom walked into the Arizona Room to say good morning.

“What’s that?” she asked, planting herself just south of the TV.

“What’s what?” Bill and I said simultaneously.

“Those stairs.  What are they doing in the middle of the stage?”

“The guy’s showing how to paint the risers,” Bill explained.

“Well, what’s the point,” she said, still staring at the TV with a confused frown on her face.

“Point?” I asked.  “What do you mean, what’s the point?’

“Well, the stairs are too short to go anywhere so why would anyone want to decorate them.  They look pretty useless to me,” she exclaimed, turning around and walking away.  “By the way,” she called from the kitchen doorway, “I’m going to need more orange juice.”

“What’s the point?” Bill called after her.  “You’re only going to drink it all and then we’ll need more!”

“More what?” she shouted back.

He looked over at me with pleading eyes and said, “Bloody Mary’s for breakfast?  Please?”



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