How To Cook A Goose

Jeff Flake is a US Congressman representing District 6 in Arizona.  He’s one of the candidates running for the US Senate to replace the seat Senator Kyle is vacating.  He seems like a nice enough guy, but, since it’s still several months out from the November election, Bill and I haven’t focused on congressional candidates yet.  Mom, however, seems to have taken an interest in Congressman Flake.  While I was clearing her dinner dishes the other night, she commented, “Boy, that Flake’s goose is cooked now!”

“What in the world are you talking about?” I asked as I removed her plate from her lap tray, then gathered her empty wine and water glasses.

“It was just on TV a minute ago.  It seems that he lied about something and now they’re using it against him,” she explained.

“Lied about what?” I asked.  “Who’s using it against him?”

“I don’t know.  I just know it was on the news and they’re using it against him, so his goose is really cooked!” she said with an emphatic nod and a self-satisfied smile.

I shrugged it off and headed into the kitchen.  As I was dishing out her bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream she called out, “Here it is again!  They’re really after him!”

I was somewhat confused because, when I tuned in and paid attention to what was blaring out of the TV, it sounded like the sports.  They were continuing their lament about Steve Nash turning traitor and leaving the Suns to go to play for the dreaded, scum-sucking LA Lakers.

“Mom, that’s the sports.  Why would they be talking about Jeff Flake?” I said as I brought the ice cream into the living room and glanced at the TV and confirmed it was, in fact, the sports segment.

“It was on just before this,” she said, digging enthusiastically into her ice cream.  I guess the scent of political scandal stimulates her sweet tooth.  “He’s really done it now!” she exclaimed as I left  and wandered into the Arizona Room, where I plopped down on the sofa next to Bill.

“What was that all about?” he asked.

“Well, it seems Jeff Flake lied about something that Mom can’t remember and now the news people are cooking his goose over it.  Other than that, I haven’t got a clue,” I said.

Fifteen minutes later, when I went to complete my waitress duties by removing her empty ice cream bowl, she graced me with a Flake update.

“You know, I’ve seen that three different times now on the TV since I told you.  They’ve really got his number now,” she said.

“Seen what three times?”

“The Jeff Flake story.  It’s all they’re talking about.  You know, how he lied.  They even showed him saying that he lied,” she said.

“Lied about what?” I asked.

“I don’t know what he lied about, but it must be big to be on TV all these times,” she concluded.

I walked back into the Arizona Room and sat down, shaking my head and trying not to laugh too loudly.

“What’s up?” Bill asked.  “Did you figure out the Flake mystery?”

“Yes, indeedy,” I said.  “All these stories about Jeff Flake – they’re political ads.  Mom thinks it’s the news and it’s a big scandal and she’s loving it because she thinks she on to something that we don’t know about.  I don’t have the heart to tell it it’s just paid advertisements by Flake’s opponent.”

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