Grumpy Lady Card Store

Mother’s Day was quickly approaching so Bill and I went to the Grumpy Lady Card Store to pick out a card for Mom.  We call it the Grumpy Lady Card Store because the woman who owns the shop is… well, she’s a really grumpy lady.  It’s sort of like getting lunch from the soup Nazi – when you take your purchase to her at the lone cash register, you don’t ask questions, you don’t talk, and, ideally, you have the correct change.

Now why, you might ask, do Bill and I even shop in the grumpy lady’s card store?  Good question.  It’s because the cards are all half price.  Have you tried to buy a decent Hallmark card for less than $3.59 lately?  It’s impossible; ergo, we are occasional patrons of the Grumpy Lady Card Store.

We pored over the vast selection of Mothers’ Day cards, trying to find something that spoke to our life with Mom.  But they all had the same themes; how much she does for us and how she takes care of us and all the fun times we’ve shared and places we’ve gone.  Unfortunately, none of the cards mentioned being a full-time couch potato or a Publisher’s Clearing House junkie.  None of them seemed to quite fit… until Bill pulled one out and handed it to me.  It read, “Mom.  This is your special day.  Put your feet up, relax and save your strength for the other 364 days of the year.”

“Honey,” I said, “this might jab a little too close to home.”

“No it won’t,” he argued.  “We’ll just sign it Love, the Ottoman.

It took almost a minute for me to stop laughing, which was enough time for him to find and hand me another card.  It said “Mother, thank you for your years of devotion.  We will always be grateful.”

“I don’t think this one works either,” I said, wiping the tears from my cheek and handing it back.

Sure it does,” he said.  “We’ll just sign it ‘Your Friends At Publisher’s Clearing House” and mail it to her.  It’ll make her day.”

He pretty much had to carry me out of the store under the watchful – and disapproving – eye of the grumpy lady.

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