The Cow Crop

“You know,” Mom said during the 6:00 news the other night, “they just aren’t growing enough cows anymore.”

Bill and I looked at each other across the living room, waiting silently for further enlightenment.

“And, they’re only growing half the amount that they used to.  It’s probably from all the junk in the water.”

Bill closed his eyes and began slowly shaking his head.  I, on the other hand, being a glutton for mental punishment, had to ask, “What in the world are you talking about, Mom?”

“The price of beef,” she said, swallowing a bite of taco salad.  “It’s going up and it’s because farmers aren’t growing enough cows.”

“Ranchers, Mom,” I said, glancing over at Bill, who sat quietly with a glazed look in his eyes.  “Ranchers raise cattle.  Farmers grow crops.”

“Whatever, raise, grow, it doesn’t matter because there just aren’t enough cows.  They can’t grow them fast enough and there aren’t as many as there used to be.”

“So what’s that got to do with junk in the water?” I asked.

Bill groaned, and resumed his head shaking.

“All the stuff in the water is probably causing them to be incontinent so they can’t make as many baby cows anymore.  That’s why there aren’t as many as there used to be.”

“Maybe putting them in Depends would help,” Bill muttered.

“What?” Mom shouted, looking over at him.  “What’d you say?  I didn’t hear you.”

“Nothing, Mom,” he shouted back.  “Just glad to know you can keep us up-to-date on stuff.”

“No problem,” she said with a smile.  “Glad to do it.”


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