Mexican Beans

We were eating taco salad the other night – except for Bill.  Taco salad is a girly thing, so he was eating burritos, which is much more manly.  As Mom and I made our way through the taco meat, cheese, tomatoes, black olives, green onions, and lettuce to the bottom of the tortilla bowl, she offered up a culinary comment.

“You know, the right way to make a taco salad is to put the Mexican beans on the bottom, not on the top.”

“Oh,” replied Bill, who is the resident chef.  “And why is that?”

“Because that’s how they’re made.”

“How they’re made where?” he persisted.

“In restaurants.  And probably in Mexico.  It’s common knowledge.  In fact when I used to eat at the club, I had to tell the waitress about it so they’d get it right.”

“I see,” he said.  “So that particular restaurant had it wrong?”

“Yes, they did.  But it’s understandable because it’s not a real restaurant, just part of the club house for the golf course.  A real restaurant puts the beans on the bottom.”

“Mom, what difference does it make if the refried beans are on the top or bottom?” I asked.

“Because, if they’re on the bottom they mix in with the lettuce so you get better roughage, which is really important when you get to be my age, if you know what I mean.”

I looked at Bill and silently shook my head, praying he would not take the bait.  Unfortunately, Mom had him at ‘Because’ and he was hooked.

“No, what do you mean?” he asked.  “I thought roughage was good at any age.”

“Well I suppose so, but when you get older, things get harder and so roughage is good.  But stool softeners are better.  So I guess a combination of lettuce, Mexican beans and stool softener is a perfect meal!” she said with a giggle as she snapped off a piece of taco shell and popped it into her mouth.

Bill looked dismally at his half-eaten burrito, then up at me, his appetite obviously gone.  I looked back at him with a smile and shrugged an ‘I warned you not to ask’ as I dug into the delectable roughage in my tortilla bowl, visions of future bathroom bliss dancing through my head.

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